So how did I end up in Joppa? It started at a service at Brazos Fellowship. I don't exactly remember the time frame, but I'm guessing it was my 2nd year at Texas A&M University. Pastor Will was talking about the holding patterns of life, and how it seems like sometimes you get stuck waiting to land to begin your new journey that God is calling you to, but for some reason you just can't land. You get stuck circling the runway in eager anticipation to get off the plane!
As a "reborn" Christian, that made a lot of sense to me. My whole life felt like one holding pattern. At this time I was attending graduate school, anticipating starting a new life and what was around the next corner, living 1,300 miles from home. It was no wonder life felt unnerving and full of anxiety, full of wanting to know when it would be safe to land. To find out that holding patterns of a spiritual walk and life are normal, I began to ease my tensions and realize that there was a plan for me.
There is a plan. It's a perfect plan. It's God's plan. We get to patiently wait and anticipate.
Of course, life didn't turn out the way I had planned it. I graduated with my Masters Degree, moved back home when I swore I'd never live in Wisconsin again, lived in my parents garage, got a position as an AmeriCorps*VISTA making $8,500 a year, became severely depressed as I felt like a huge failure. Then I met Chalsea and fell in love, and starting going to Valleybrook Church, where my walk became strengthened, but I still felt stuck in a holding pattern. I was still living between two worlds.
As these unexpected twists and turns developed, I ended up at a Valleybrook Church service where Matt and Doug were teaching about Joppa and Peter's time there. The Book of Acts is very interesting when you break it down verse by verse in a timeline. Two verses can take 2 years and then, 15 verses can take 3 hours. Peter's stay in Joppa was 2 years, but if you didn't know the timeline you would miss that fact.
Kosher Peter in Joppa for 2 years. Learning all about the Gentiles and their culture. Beginning to see the love and dream that was created for them.
Peter was completely filled with Dunamis power previous to his stay in Joppa. He was unlocking the Holy Spirit everywhere he went, performing signs, wonders and miracles. The guy was a walking Miracle Machine and people were being set free and living a life they never dreamed possible. Then he came to Joppa where he sat at Simon the Tanners house for 2 full years. A man who was on fire for moving the Gospel of Christ throughout the world was put in a holding pattern by God for 2 years, and in all places, probably the most Jewish ceremonially unclean dwelling possible. He lived with a man who tanned hides of all sorts of animals, and definitely didn't follow the Kosher practices for preparing the animal.
Makes you realize your short term "holding pattern" isn't quite so disastrous.
The truth is Peter needed a break. Peter was a living, growing, breathing human being just like you and I. He was allowing himself to be completely led by the Holy Spirit, all in with God, no Plan B, and he needed supernatural rest to prepare him for the next adventure. God's Plan B for us is Joppa. When he has used us to completely fulfill the current Plan A, he switches to Plan B--rest, supernatural rest, to recharge, refocus and recommit yourself to Christ.
That only happens when you're living "All In".
I didn't realize this. I thought I was living all in for Christ. I thought I was obedient. I thought I deserved more and better life, more than I ever imagined. I was terribly mistaken. I had given my eternal life over to him, but I didn't give my whole live over. I still clung onto my ways, my feet firmly and stubbornly grounded in the lifestyle I chose to live. I was holding onto the rubbish and baggage of my past and not letting go. I didn't understand what an "All In" lifestyle meant. I was serving two masters; therefore, serving one.
My soul was being suffocated. Again.
As Proverbs 26:11-12 is quick to point out, I was like a dog who returns to its vomit, I was a fool repeating my folly. I was a person wise in my own eyes. There was more hope for a fool than for me. I had made myself into my own God, thinking I knew better than him. I was arrogant, and I had created an idol out of my life. I deserved better. I had a master's degree!!! I should be making $50k/year like all my friends.
My divided life was dog vomit. Consumed in anger, pride and entitlement. I went back for more.
No wonder my life quickly spiraled downward, even faster than before. Torment and tumultuous battles raged within my soul. My life was at a standstill until I would choose to come off my stubborn-necked ways. I was brash enough to call it a "holding pattern". I thought it was God holding me back. I could see my dreams, I could see what I wanted, but God was responsible for not giving it to me when I wanted it and how I wanted it. I wanted two masters. I wanted to continue my Sunday ritual of cleansing, so I could defile what I had Monday through Saturday.
The grace of God extended my growth and learning about him, even among my disobedience and living off his path and his will. That in itself is a miracle. But God was so patient and kind, Jesus being bigger than my life of two masters, that they waited till I kicked and screamed myself out, until I was out of rope and out of breath. That's when they rushed in and saved me.
I wasn't in Joppa. I wasn't in a holding pattern. Not even at the airport. I was still at the travel agent booking my flight.
My travel toward Joppa started on Monday, September 26, 2011, when I was faced with going deep, all in and seeing how dark, empty and gross my high-roller lifestyle left me. I had to face my deepest sins and wounds. I had to make the decision to let it all go and to show everyone who I really was and what I was really up to. All the while God was right there telling me I had to be 100% transparent, to tell everything, no matter how weird or dark, or else I was going to die.
I was already dead. Either way I died. That night I chose to die to myself for Christ. I finally booked my ticket to Joppa.
My travel to the airport and travel agent at the gate was probably the hardest time of my life. However, for the first time I was fully alive, ready to experience my life to the fullest. I understand what it is to be joyful in all circumstances (Philippians), because my whole world was crashing down, and all I was doing was praising Jesus!
I had arrived to the airport, had my ticket and was ready to go through security. One final look at what was hidden within my soul. Pastor Doug was my TSA agent, and he ordered a full out x-ray/body scan search of everything inside of my heart. I was cut and exposed by the grace of God, and by the consuming love of God it was all burned away. Pastor Doug made me realize that this was a turning point. I could continue living in two worlds with a divided heart, or I could live life undivided, all in with Christ. I chose all in! I am forever grateful for Pastor Doug and the Valleybrook staff for seeing who I was created to be.
My heart was undivided. One Master. One Plan. Eternal Life. Baptism by Fire.
As I arrived in Joppa, where I currently am at this present day, a whole new life was laid out in front of my eyes. I could see with clarity where I had been and where I'm to go. Now I sit in eager anticipation, joyfully awaiting to get back up in the air to my next adventure. But I am not dreading the wait, I no longer HATE living in Eau Claire [living in Eau Claire for me was hellish at first--the only thing that kept me here besides Chalsea was Valleybrook Church and for good reason]. I can go to Superior without feeling the dread of the life and soul sucking force that rules that city and the dread and longing of returning to my divided ways. I can be with my friends no matter where they live, connected in Koinonia fellowship and Agape love through the Dunamis power of the Holy Spirit. I am content with where I'm at but not stuck. Eagerly anticipating how God's will for my life will use me next.
My new adventure is about to begin. I'm ready. Are you ready for yours?
I love you,
Ken
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