I have had a very frustrating day today. One filled with isolation, hiding and overcoming some selfish desires and sins that I had committed over the past day. Even after the days building up to this one, days of feeling like a rock, having clarity in who I am becoming and the victories over where I've been, it all ended today, and the dreaded sense of being alone and having no one returned.
Alone. Isolated. Afraid. Suspicious. Death was knocking once again.
I was looking forward to the "Men's Night" at Valleybrook. I was looking forward to being around men who I adore and Love, who could build into me, and who I could just be with to know that I was safe. That I was OK, even after messing up, choosing selfishness and sin over redemption and victory. To bask in the glow of what Jesus had done for me even at my worst. Yet, the isolation continued. Every where I turned I was being called somewhere else, had to move, or just couldn't settle in. The worst part was I was in production, running the slides, so I couldn't get into worship or the messages as much as I wanted to because I had to concentrate on doing my job. Even when I arrived, I said hello to three people, then was whisked away to get the booth set up.
Of course, most of that was my fault. I had left home late because I was too busy isolating at home playing with my new phone, causing me to miss out on relationship before it all began. I was even supposed to meet with a beloved friend, but an unexpected event occurred and we cancelled our dinner together last moment, and so instead of heading down early anyway, I chose to numb out and play on my phone.
Three powerful people, powerful men of the Lord, shared their stories of overcoming and how Jesus had healed them. I couldn't focus on the first two stories. I was finding myself isolating even more. Wishing how I could share my story. Why them and not me? My story had significance. It has some deep meaning. It could set men free from their darkest shame, their darkest hours.
Then God hit me with his voice, so clear and present, "Ken...you are jealous and prideful. You want your story to make you a celebrity, not to set people free."
Ouch. Jealousy, pride, selfishness, need for affirmation...rooted deep.
One of the moderators shared a very powerful verse, Nehemiah 6:3b "...I am doing a great work and I cannot come down..." That verse burned deep in my head. God is doing great work in me, through his son Jesus. My heart is being transformed. I learned how important it was for me to quit choosing my desires and sin over what Jesus is doing in my life. I realized how deep and serious his work is going in me, and how if I come down from what he is doing, I will be sunk. But why did I still feel this isolation? This isolation that has been haunting me all day, throwing roadblocks in my path so I couldn't connect with others when it mattered most?
The third speaker shared his story. I so dearly Love the man who was sharing. He is a brother who I've only known a few weeks, but have this deep draw to him. It was really cool listening to his story, again, but this time in new light. Seeing how God is doing great works in him and how he needs to stay on the wall and not get distracted. I saw a fervor and excitement in his eyes and heard it in his voice like never before. How he was done running from his enemies, that God is going to deliver him and he had nothing to fear anymore. In that moment, I knew God had anointed him for his next steps, and my heart rejoiced.
Yet I was still alone.
I couldn't even meet with him after the service was over, as by the time I had shut production down, most of the people had left, and he was surrounded by other people who had some very clear words for him. So I left isolated and alone. I felt the isolation was because of my choosing sin over truth and life. How I had put myself there because of my actions. How I had pushed people away and had no friends because I was a fake and fraud. Even on the car ride home to share my struggle with another friend, was shot down. I was leaving a voice mail and it was too long. The very sweet voice mail voice shut me off half sentence. So I texted him the rest of the story and it took a few times to actually get through.
More roadblocks. More isolation.
I shared some of this struggle with Chalsea, and we talked about the discouragement of the past few days and how God is working on some parts of our heart that we realized weren't even there. When we finished talking, she went to bed, and God called me to, ironically, write a blog post--one that will be shared with others...
Then God spoke.
He showed me a picture of the game operation. This was one of my favorite games growing up as a kid. I enjoyed how you had to be perfectly steady in how you removed the bread basket and funny bone and all the other parts. The point of the game was to have as steady a hand as a surgeon. You had to use one hand. You couldn't cheat, like I tried many times, to use two--one for a steadying fulcrum and one for the surgery--because that would put too much pressure on the playing surface and set off the alarm.
It needed precision and perfect control.
God then told me to quit moving. Quit running away from him. The more I squirmed and tried to wrestle him so I could get away, the more damage I was doing. He needed me to quit moving so he could continue his perfect operation on me. The more I wanted control, the more I dug my heels in, wrestled back and tried to run away, the less chances he had to work on me.
Like a surgeon, God needed me to be still so he could do his work. A surgeon can't operate on a patient who is moving. If he was able to it would look more like Texas Chainsaw Massacre than a sterile operating room. The same is with God. He can heal wounds and rip out sin and evil desires from a heart even if the person is moving, but it won't be as effective. It will take longer, be really messy, and we'd miss half the procedure anyway because we'd be too busy calling the shots and reaching for the control by running away.
Quit moving. I am pinning you down to I can finish my work in you.
I found myself giving in realizing that I don't have to be heard. I don't have to share my story. I don't have to surround myself with others just to feel safe or to be filled up. I will be seen anyway. I will be filled anyway. I will be safe anyway.
God is in control. He wants to finish the great work he has started in me.
I don't have to be a celebrity or be in the spotlight to help people heal, to be the agent of change God is calling me to be. To be the great warrior and leader he needs me to be for his people. I just need to submit and be obedient to what he tells me to do and then do it. As I mess up along the way, lose focus or choose sin over life, He'll still show me grace and allow me to continue on his journey.
No longer do I have to run, hide and get it all right. I can just be.
I'm sure there will be times I choose to isolate, choose to reach for control instead of faith and trust, and choose to blatantly turn my back, wrestle or run from God, but He will be there to catch me when I fall. He will dust me off, put the gown back on me, pin me down so I can't hurt myself, and continue to do His good work inside me until I'm healed. Just as a good surgeon would do.
I love you,
Ken
Thursday, November 21, 2013
Thursday, October 18, 2012
A daily prayer
Oh Lord Jesus, please hear my prayer today, a prayer of repentance for the heart you have made for me and how I have strayed from your plan...
Lord, I am so sorry for corrupting the precious heart you gave me and created for me, one of encouragement, sumpasco need and understanding for others and for loving others, as you have created them and not as how I needed them.
Thank you Lord, for healing my heart and setting me free...
Amen
You gave me a heart to love others with, to see who they really were, to feel compassion and care for those in hurting times and of great need...
Instead I took your heart and greatly distorted it by making it a heart of selfishness and greed...
A heart that manipulated others, especially those who needed the most help, who were downtrodden and weary, looking for your validation and encouragement...
Instead I used your chosen, your loved ones, their very souls, as my validation for who I wanted to be, who I needed to be, for my own gains, my own notches, my own fulfillment...
Thank you Lord, for healing my heart and setting me free...
Amen
Tuesday, August 7, 2012
Why Me?
How many times have you asked that question? Why me? I grew up asking that almost every day. Growing up I felt that the world was always out to get me, everyone I knew had a hidden agenda, everything was my fault, and the grass was always greener. I was the king of the pity-party. Looking for others to pick me up when I was down. Not allowing God to take control. Stuck in my own pride and addiction of feeling down and depressed. I allowed my self to be a victim so people could take pity. I allowed myself to be a victim in my own life!
I was a victim in my own life! My conscious was bleeding continually, and I couldn't stop it.
I was trapped in my own shame and guilt that was taught to me at a young age from many of my life sources. It was a part of our family lifeblood and curse that ran deep on both sides. No one was ever quite good enough, talented enough, loved enough or cherished enough to know who they were and to stand firm in that identity. Instead in the curse of family shame and guilt, everyone turned to their pride to get through the good and bad. If things didn't go well we'd use deflection and blame others, cut ourselves emotionally and spiritually or just blame ourselves. If something actually went right it was because they picked themselves up by the bootstraps and worked hard at it, or occasionally genie god would grant a wish that came true. However, the guilt and shame would soon set in and the foreboding feeling of when will the other shoe drop would set in, afterall the good times and joy really couldn't last. God really wasn't that good, was he?
Or is he?
Eventually the trials and storms of life would set in, and confirm the inkling suspicions that were hidden deep inside. God failed us again, and now we need to muster up all the strength deep inside to find those bootstraps and do it on our own. If we succeed that will be awesome, but we'll probably fail since we're losers anyway. We were trapped in poverty and desolation, not really knowing Jesus died for a much better life.
Life to the fullest! Jesus has "come so that they may have life, AND HAVE IT TO THE FULL!" (John 10:10)
Jesus died so we could have a better life. So we wouldn't have to get trapped in our day to day circumstances that we have no control over. Our world is broken, people are broken, situations are broken, Jesus is the healer! Jesus is the life! He is the one who can set you free!
I didn't understand this, but now I live it. I still get my doubts and struggles, still reach for my own bootstrap from time to time, but the weight of the bootstrap is too much and I let it go. I let it go because the yoke of Jesus is so much lighter and easier to handle. I can handle that because He has already paid the ultimate price by taking my sins and the worlds' sins upon the cross with Him. He is our mediator, He is the great physician.
Jesus Christ died to set YOU free, so YOU can life YOUR life to the fullest.
Why wouldn't you want that lifeforce living in you? Accept it today! Trust me, it's worth it. It reminds me of what Chuck Swindoll said in one of his messages, and I paraphrase:
Without Christ, whatever your current circumstance, this is the best your life will ever be. With
Christ, no matter the circumstance, this will be the worst your life will ever be.
Think about it, life can only get better with Christ in your life, guiding and directing your every footstep, so whether you are at the peak of awesomeness or the pit of despair, life can only get better; whereas, if you don't accept Christ, your life is as good as it's ever going to get, EVER.
Do you want more and better life to the fullest? Or are you good with your life now?
Getting back to the point of "Why Me", I came to realize one thing. God created me to persevere, through good and bad, regardless of the origin (my own doings or just random sensless acts due to a broken world). I am supposed to be a man who stands up when things are going tough, rally troops, encourage others to keep moving and find strength from God to be His warrior, no matter the cost. I am human, I fail at this miserably, but now I know when I'm reaching for my bootstrap or reaching for God's power. I know that the family curse has ended with me, and from that the generational sin will end. I had the choice, and I choose Christ!
Why me? Why not! Christ loves me and wants His best for me. He will strengthen me.
In closing God left me with this little bit of wisdom that I want to share with all of you. It means so much to me I have wrote it on a post-it note and stuck it in my wallet right in front of my debit card.
The truth is we can have good and bad days, good and negative feelings. Issues arise when
days and feelings are good and bad. That is life and the broken nature of sin. The problems
come about when we start letting the feelings and circumstances define who we are. We
feel like we fall out of grace with God or we turn our back on God's grace in our pride and
arrogance. We lose our eternal joy because of our fleeting emotions, as we turn to ourselves
in our pride.
Christ died so we can feel joy in all circumstances, knowing that He is our rock and salvation. Not our circumstances and feelings.
Let this truth soak in to your hearts and minds. Quit letting circumstances define who you are and your feelings drag you down. Your God is much bigger than circumstances and feelings of this world. God didn't die on a cross to let you suffer with brokenness, wounds and sin. Jesus died on a cross to set you free.
Be free today!
I love you,
Ken
I was a victim in my own life! My conscious was bleeding continually, and I couldn't stop it.
I was trapped in my own shame and guilt that was taught to me at a young age from many of my life sources. It was a part of our family lifeblood and curse that ran deep on both sides. No one was ever quite good enough, talented enough, loved enough or cherished enough to know who they were and to stand firm in that identity. Instead in the curse of family shame and guilt, everyone turned to their pride to get through the good and bad. If things didn't go well we'd use deflection and blame others, cut ourselves emotionally and spiritually or just blame ourselves. If something actually went right it was because they picked themselves up by the bootstraps and worked hard at it, or occasionally genie god would grant a wish that came true. However, the guilt and shame would soon set in and the foreboding feeling of when will the other shoe drop would set in, afterall the good times and joy really couldn't last. God really wasn't that good, was he?
Or is he?
Eventually the trials and storms of life would set in, and confirm the inkling suspicions that were hidden deep inside. God failed us again, and now we need to muster up all the strength deep inside to find those bootstraps and do it on our own. If we succeed that will be awesome, but we'll probably fail since we're losers anyway. We were trapped in poverty and desolation, not really knowing Jesus died for a much better life.
Life to the fullest! Jesus has "come so that they may have life, AND HAVE IT TO THE FULL!" (John 10:10)
Jesus died so we could have a better life. So we wouldn't have to get trapped in our day to day circumstances that we have no control over. Our world is broken, people are broken, situations are broken, Jesus is the healer! Jesus is the life! He is the one who can set you free!
I didn't understand this, but now I live it. I still get my doubts and struggles, still reach for my own bootstrap from time to time, but the weight of the bootstrap is too much and I let it go. I let it go because the yoke of Jesus is so much lighter and easier to handle. I can handle that because He has already paid the ultimate price by taking my sins and the worlds' sins upon the cross with Him. He is our mediator, He is the great physician.
Jesus Christ died to set YOU free, so YOU can life YOUR life to the fullest.
Why wouldn't you want that lifeforce living in you? Accept it today! Trust me, it's worth it. It reminds me of what Chuck Swindoll said in one of his messages, and I paraphrase:
Without Christ, whatever your current circumstance, this is the best your life will ever be. With
Christ, no matter the circumstance, this will be the worst your life will ever be.
Think about it, life can only get better with Christ in your life, guiding and directing your every footstep, so whether you are at the peak of awesomeness or the pit of despair, life can only get better; whereas, if you don't accept Christ, your life is as good as it's ever going to get, EVER.
Do you want more and better life to the fullest? Or are you good with your life now?
Getting back to the point of "Why Me", I came to realize one thing. God created me to persevere, through good and bad, regardless of the origin (my own doings or just random sensless acts due to a broken world). I am supposed to be a man who stands up when things are going tough, rally troops, encourage others to keep moving and find strength from God to be His warrior, no matter the cost. I am human, I fail at this miserably, but now I know when I'm reaching for my bootstrap or reaching for God's power. I know that the family curse has ended with me, and from that the generational sin will end. I had the choice, and I choose Christ!
Why me? Why not! Christ loves me and wants His best for me. He will strengthen me.
In closing God left me with this little bit of wisdom that I want to share with all of you. It means so much to me I have wrote it on a post-it note and stuck it in my wallet right in front of my debit card.
The truth is we can have good and bad days, good and negative feelings. Issues arise when
days and feelings are good and bad. That is life and the broken nature of sin. The problems
come about when we start letting the feelings and circumstances define who we are. We
feel like we fall out of grace with God or we turn our back on God's grace in our pride and
arrogance. We lose our eternal joy because of our fleeting emotions, as we turn to ourselves
in our pride.
Christ died so we can feel joy in all circumstances, knowing that He is our rock and salvation. Not our circumstances and feelings.
Let this truth soak in to your hearts and minds. Quit letting circumstances define who you are and your feelings drag you down. Your God is much bigger than circumstances and feelings of this world. God didn't die on a cross to let you suffer with brokenness, wounds and sin. Jesus died on a cross to set you free.
Be free today!
I love you,
Ken
Wednesday, June 13, 2012
Falling Arrows
Probably the coolest vision I have received while in Joppa was my Falling Arrows dream. Much like when Peter was in Joppa he had a vision about all the animals of the Earth being pure to eat, as God cleans things that were once impure (Acts 10:9-16). I could imagine being Peter on that rooftop before the noon lunch, in the heat of the day, getting hungry and praying while this fast was occurring. I have fasted before and received cool messages, revelations and prophecies, but nothing like the dream I am going to share with you.
Much like Peter's vision, I too was riled up in the Holy Spirit before I fell asleep. I was already on a Holy Spirit filled Dunamis Friday night in early March 2012, and I had made the foolish decision to ask God a question before going to bed.
Ask and you shall receive.
"How bad is the world going to have to get before Jesus comes back? I mean we all have stability and security for the most part. We'll always have homes or dwellings to live in and food to scrounge. What is going to have to happen?" [Keep in mind, as the opening section begins, I had no idea that Syria attacked Turkey earlier that week--in fact I hadn't watched or read the news in months. And currently with Russia sending attack helicopters to Syria I need to get this out, NOW. God's been on me for two months to get this written so I'm going to do what he tells me].
Falling Arrows: An apocalyptic dream (3/2/12)
Attack on Turkey
There was such vivid illustration in the dream that these first few sequences cannot be fully expressed, but I will do the the best to describe to you what I saw.
Syria had enough. They needed to regain the power they once claimed in the region and they decided to go up against the more "westernized" culture of Turkey. What a more clear way to send a message than through a shock and awe bombing campaign against a dormant enemy. Syria threw all they had against Turkey, and this began civil uprising within the region. It wasn't only mechanical violence that reigned down in the Mediterranean country, but human violence as well. Syrians who lived within Turkey began targeted attacks against their Turkish neighbors by shooting, suicide bombing and torturing their once friends.
At once Turkey revolted and struck back, as would any country, nation or people who were ambushed suddenly and violently. What began as an act of self defense turned into an ethnic and nationalist war. Turkey and those who identified with Turkey broke out sectarian violence not only against the Syrians, but against all in the Middle East and North Africa. What started as Syria wanting to flex its muscles turned into an all out ideological war.
The sectarian Syria attack and counter attack by Turkey helped fuel the Palestinians to seek revenge against the nation of Israel. Since most of the fighting between Turkey and Syria was between Muslims, Jews and Christians, Palestine felt even more empowered to take it to Israel and other Judeo-Christians in the region. Other conflicts also arose in the region, some religiously fueled, others just because they had a strong distaste for their neighbor.
The most interesting part was the changing in alliances. Depending on who was getting attacked for various reasons, enemies became friends and friends became enemies. If a third party became involved, pure chaos erupted and what would seem the most rational (enemies fighting enemies), actually became unpredictable (enemies turning against the third party and allying together to fight off the new intruders). By the middle of the regional crisis, the genesis of this conflict was forgotten, and many of the boundaries of the Middle East, Northern Africa, and Southern Europe were destroyed. The ebb and flow of alliances caused too much confusion, and the entire area turned to anarchy.
There was one startling detail missing though--the lack of the United States, UN and EU presence in this widespread violence.
[In the dream, the conflict was illustrated on a sweet looking ancient map of the region described. I saw ellipses of enemies morphing into allies against other ellipses, and so on and so forth. I wish I knew how to graphically create it because it was really neat to watch unfold.]
At home in the United States:
The Environment
Growing up in the country I knew that if apocalyptic times ever came about I would always have my hunting and gathering skills, as there are always animals around to hunt or scavenge and plants to eat. The apparent lack of animals was astounding...no rabbits in yards, squirrels in trees, birds in the air, deer in the fields, nothing. Not a peep of animal was to be heard, nor a flash of tail was to be seen. The main food source left besides the dwindling and over priced grocery supply was grass and tree roots.
A several year crippling drought in the farmlands (Midwest) and floods in the fertile crescents (Mississippi/Ohio River valleys) drove grocery food supplies to a desperate low. Even the abundance of corn for ethanol was dwindled to nothing thanks to the floods and drought.
The Economy
Economic depression had ripped through the U.S. starting with soaring gas prices at $10 a gallon thanks to greed, high taxation and faulty futures predictions, and there was no mass transit systems to allow for travel across the vast country. The crumbling economy forced leaders to make a strategic and crippling decision to bring all of the worldwide troop presence home and shut down all of our foreign military bases. The only active branches left were the National Guard, Reserves and Coast Guard.
The economy also led to massive nationwide layoffs causing many people to move back to their original homes to help support each other. This caused a lot of tension as there were multiple families and as many as 5 to 6 generations living under one roof or on one plot of land. In the dream, the illustration was quite interesting to watch the migration of people. I saw massive migratory shifts across the United States back to their original hometowns. One example was people who lived in Eau Claire moved to Superior; families who lived in Minneapolis moved to Dallas; Denver families left everything and moved to Orlando; etc. Basically, whatever family member had the biggest house or biggest plot of land, the nuclear relatives moved there.
Of course, no money meant record housing foreclosures as well. There were vacant houses and lots all over the United States. Some due to families leaving all they knew behind to live with other family members; whereas, others were vacant due to people just giving up and living in the streets or wherever they could find shelter. This included sewer ducts and drains, concrete overpasses and awnings, caves, tents, trees, wherever.
The shocking thing was no one lived in the vacant homes. Squatters did not exist, and I do not know why that was. Maybe it was because they had given up hope, had seen what living in homes really cost and their souls were crushed as a result, or they were afraid the banks would kick them out again. Whatever the case, the empty houses sat dormant and dilapidated.
The Politics
With dwindling resources, overburdened taxation, and public confidence at an all time low, the politicians became weary and desperate. Instead of drawing closer with their constituents and citizens they represented by pooling the resources, they turned to even more extreme politics. The weapon of choice, words: cutting, alienating words. No violence was ever used in the crumbling of the United States politico, but where weapons would have limited the overall damage, the cold and calculated rehtroic cut deeper than ever. Not only were the democrats and liberals fighting republicans, who were fighting the libertarians, who were out for blood against the tea partiers and constitutionalists, but the federal reps were fighting the states, states fighting each other, and in-fighting within the states over resources was out of control.
The dream highlighted Wisconsin, and how the people and families of Superior were fighting Eau Claire residents (even though many were only days ago close friends); Eau Claire screamed at Madison who was in yelling fits with Milwaukee. Of course all of these areas were also fighting against Minnesota, so on and so forth. But nothing was getting accomplished. Only deeper wounds and deeper anger.
Since the government was not functioning and corporate leaders were callously indifferent to the suffering (they were still mobile and affluent), nonprofits tried to jump in and help the cause. They pooled all their resources, put on clothing and food drives, tried to raise money, and in Eau Claire (and across the country) they moved into a one stop shop facility for ease of access for those in desperate need. But even they couldn't keep up and their racks and shelves soon became bare...except for one:
Goodwill
I personally have nothing against Goodwill, but the dream specifically pointed out Goodwill.
Since Goodwill had the brand recognition and national resources, they were able to flex their muscles and use the deseperation marketing to sell their image and convince the public to give them all donations. Usually Goodwill is great with sharing and allocating resources to the community, but now the power of being the trusted brand and seeing the public's response, they too became indifferent to the suffering and became hungry for riches. Their reps would go as far as turning people out of the donation lines for the local nonprofits and showing them their storeroom at the central location where all the nonprofits were housed.
"Look at all the resources we have. How could they, who have empty pegboard walls and shelves, compete with us? Give us your donations and we'll appropriately and responsibly allocate these to those who really need it."
What the public did not know was no one received the donations, as the Goodwill execs were getting rich off withholding the resources the deprived public so badly needed.
Nervous State Leaders
It was around this time word was getting out about the sectarian violence in Turkey, Syria and Middle East. Fearing the worst with the abroad conflicts but also fearing national outbreak of violence in the US, the governors decided to activate their National Guard soldiers to protect their states. This caused more tension between already isolated families (some families were split up--wives from children and spouses, children from parents, etc., due to not being able to afford to travel), as now fathers, mothers, sons and daughters were forced to leave the confines of home and head to the state's main National Guard bases for an indefinite amount of time.
The federal government could not do anything about it as their hands were tied with budget constraints on their own military branches. The federal military branches (Army, Navy, Marines, Air Force) was literally shut down due to lack of funding, and the bases were closed. Only the Pentagon remained open where the top military officials could confer in a central location in case if evasive action was needed.
Back in Europe:
The Politics
Meanwhile, tensions in the European Union and affiliated countries were growing stronger as the regional sectarian violence was becoming wide spread. The stronghold Western European countries (France, Spain, Germany, Sweden, Finland, Norway, Britain) were in the same political and economic battle as the United States, but had more of a sense of urgency in pulling together to find solutions to the situations before it spread to the "free world", and less verbal wars than what was experienced in the United States. However, even their great ideals of finding a solution was starting to come to an end, and hope was being lost.
Then it happened:
Falling Arrows
I was in my close friend's house with him, his girlfriend, and my father. My brother was working and my mom was absent, looking for food possibly. Chalsea was at home in Eau Claire. I had made the trip up to gather what little remaining resources we had left before heading back. I was standing by a window looking out at the gray, murky, cloud-filled sky, as the sun hadn't shown in days, looking over the streets and seeing the desperation setting in on the people below.
Out of no where I heard a "thwack" and a blood curdling scream. A man keeled over and a huge, 4-foot-long, 3-inch-wide, wooden arrow was stuck in him--ran him through. All of a sudden the window next to me crashed as an arrow flew in from out of nowhere. Then a barrage of wooden arrows came flying out of the sky, bouncing off people's rooftops and walls, smashing windows and denting vehicles. Carnage was in the streets as now people were being picked off left and right.
Pure panic filled the city, and no one knew what to do! People rushed for any sort of shelter and protection, including vacant houses, storm drains, caves, underpasses, buildings, anything with a roof and a narrow entrance.
I yelled throughout the house to gather everyone into the innermost rooms of the building away from windows, doors and exterior walls, as the arrows could only penetrate the first layer of the wall structures, and the roofs of the houses were impenetrable.
Immediately we turned on the television and scoured the internet to see if this was widespread. Certainly carnage was flowing throughout the United States and Canada as news reports flooded the airwaves and internet pages about the mass annihilation of innocent bystanders. The arrows also took out many satellites, communication towers and the trans-Atlantic wire (does that even exist anymore?) so communication with Europe and the rest of the world became obsolete. Cell phone usage was hit and miss, but people were able to access the internet and call each other, at least in the United States, through land line and dial up modems.
Meanwhile, back in Eurasia...
The fighting and desolation between the warring countries was starting to spread to more of Europe, all of Africa and the western part of the Asian continent. All over the region, Jews and Christians were being tortured, exiled and killed for their beliefs in God. Men and women were being stoned to death, hung from crosses, hanged, whipped, boiled, and any other means of death possible. The EU had given up hope and left it up to the independent countries to call truces or peace among the nations. It seemed that all power and control was lost and total anarchy was upon the Eastern hemisphere. Then the Falling Arrows started its descent on Western Europe--on those countries that had just given up hope (Spain, France, Britain, Ireland, Scotland, Finland, Norway, Sweden, Germany, etc).
The Stranger
Suddenly, a man of middle eastern descent, rose from the Mecca area of Saudi Arabia and began to purposefully and powerfully move throughout the region finding the most outcast and desperate people possible in the promise of bringing peace to the region. This guy was untouchable. He could walk right through live battles and not even be glanced by a bullet or touched by violence. In fact, time would stand still as he searched out and selected his chosen followers. His journey started in Egypt, moved to Morocco and Libya, then to Saudi Arabia, Syria, Turkey, Iraq, Italy, Romania, Russia and even Poland.
It was in Poland where the vision, through a polarized orange/yellow hue, graphically showed a man of unknown religion being crucified by brazen armored soldiers. This peacemaker stranger, through what seemed pure unconcern and oblivion to the violence around him, had the audacity to walk right past all that was going on, reached out his hand and pulled the suffering victim down from the cross. From that point on the 12 followers of his were established, each one from a distant lineage of the tribes of Israel, and his crusade of bringing peace began.
He won the hearts of many, and the confidence politically and economically of the Western European countries as treaties were drawn up, the economy strengthened and hope restored. In fact, the arrows even quit falling on those parts of Europe that had given up all hope and started falling in Asia major.
However, the peace that was being won was a deceitful power play of more violence and carnage. Even though this stranger was able to unite the European and Middle Eastern cultures to solidarity, the violence grew even more widespread as he commanded the armies to spread to the rest of Asia to begin the world takeover. To kill anyone who was a survivor of the arrow attacks. And as the violence moved eastward, the arrows started falling again behind them, picking off all who weren't following.
The Anti-Christ had established himself in the world, and the Western world was no where to be found.
The Desolation in the United States
My vision then shifted back to the United States as the arrows flung themselves upon the once free country. I went from city to city, state to state seeing the desperation and loss of hope that began to sink in to so many hearts. Many people were hoping for a quick end to their lives so they wouldn't have to suffer anymore. There was a lot of wailing and sorrowful voices crying out to each other to find any solace possible.
The vision then focused in on Washington, D.C. It was like I saw the city through the same polarized yellow/orange lenses, as what used to be the capitol city lie before me in ruin. It looked as if an atom bomb had gone off, as the national monuments, buildings and offices were destroyed. All of our political leaders had been slayed by the arrows, and the Pentagon, Capitol Building and White House were nothing but mortar and bricks with the shell of the buildings left.
A New Hope in the United States
The vision then turned back to where I was huddled in the inner room of my friends house. I found myself crying out to God asking him what was going on and what needed to be done. I was desperately pleading with the Lord to stop the arrows from falling and to bring peace to the United States once again. The Lord simply answered,
"Go outside."
"Are you crazy, Lord! Arrows are flying out of the sky, picking people off left and right and you want me to go outside!!!??? Isn't praying from in here enough? Must I risk my life for nothing? Are you kidding me? Only a madman would go outside right now!"
"I'm with you, go outside and pray out loud. I will protect you."
"OK, I will do it," I answered hesitantly, "I will go outside and pray to you my Lord."
At first I didn't know what to pray so I just prayed out to God asking for his sovereignty and goodness even in times like this and admitting to him how scared I was. I really, really prayed about how scared I was and how badly I needed him in that moment. Suddenly, an umbrella type arch appeared over my head as I walked through the threshold of the door and onto the driveway outside. People who stood by their windows watched in awe.
"What are you doing!?" they screamed.
"Praying! Praying to my Lord, God!" I replied bewilderingly. I prayed a bit more and sure enough, I was safe. The arrows were bouncing off the protective shield above my head. I yelled out, "God will protect you, come outside and pray with me!" to all that would hear.
Eventually people came out, seeing that I was bold enough to stand the test. They too joined in with scared prayers at first but eventually grew confidence that their one true God was going to save them, too. People immediately started calling, texting and e-mailing friends and family reporting the good news of salvation; how God had delivered them from the falling arrows and was protecting them.
As the news spread like wildfire, the umbrella type bubbles over peoples' heads grew into huge, HUGE hands. I asked God what this all meant, and he replied, "The arrows are falling stars. All of creation has been groaning for this moment and is starting to fall in upon itself. Through your prayers and testimony of faith, my Angel armies have been called upon the Earth to protect all that follow me. What you see above the heads of my chosen ones are the hands of Angels. They have always been there but now you are able to see them."
In that moment, communication with Western Europe was restored and the gospel was spread to them. The falling arrows were ceasing in the countries that held faith and hope that the one true God would save them.
Shortly after, as people were coming out of the dwellings, no longer praying for the mountains to cave in but to find faith and protection from God the arrows quit falling. The sun came out, the believing nations regained color, and a new hope arose. People became united in Love for each other as old enemies became friends again, and families were reunited.
Joy and worship erupted in the streets of North America and Western Europe. Never before in the history of humankind were we so excited to be alive! Our God had come through and we were living proof of his power.
The Arrival
All of a sudden Jesus appeared before us and walked with us preaching and commending God for his good work done through us. He rounded all who followed him, as people from all over the North American continent drew in close. He looked at us with compassion and a fierce, burning jealousy raged through him. "Are you ready?" he asked.
"Ready for what, Lord?" I replied.
"We are going to take back what is ours. We are going to defeat darkness, the Anti Christ and his armies once and for all, are you with me?"
"But Lord, we have no weapons and no way to travel overseas," I protested.
"You have me, that's enough. I'm all you need," He replied earnestly.
At that moment a peace came upon us all as the Holy Spirit raced through all present. We started hovering above the ground, and we began to fly with Christ to cross the Atlantic and take the battle to the front lines. Jesus Christ as our leader.
And that's when the vision ended.
Amen.
I love you,
Ken
Much like Peter's vision, I too was riled up in the Holy Spirit before I fell asleep. I was already on a Holy Spirit filled Dunamis Friday night in early March 2012, and I had made the foolish decision to ask God a question before going to bed.
Ask and you shall receive.
"How bad is the world going to have to get before Jesus comes back? I mean we all have stability and security for the most part. We'll always have homes or dwellings to live in and food to scrounge. What is going to have to happen?" [Keep in mind, as the opening section begins, I had no idea that Syria attacked Turkey earlier that week--in fact I hadn't watched or read the news in months. And currently with Russia sending attack helicopters to Syria I need to get this out, NOW. God's been on me for two months to get this written so I'm going to do what he tells me].
Falling Arrows: An apocalyptic dream (3/2/12)
Attack on Turkey
There was such vivid illustration in the dream that these first few sequences cannot be fully expressed, but I will do the the best to describe to you what I saw.
Syria had enough. They needed to regain the power they once claimed in the region and they decided to go up against the more "westernized" culture of Turkey. What a more clear way to send a message than through a shock and awe bombing campaign against a dormant enemy. Syria threw all they had against Turkey, and this began civil uprising within the region. It wasn't only mechanical violence that reigned down in the Mediterranean country, but human violence as well. Syrians who lived within Turkey began targeted attacks against their Turkish neighbors by shooting, suicide bombing and torturing their once friends.
At once Turkey revolted and struck back, as would any country, nation or people who were ambushed suddenly and violently. What began as an act of self defense turned into an ethnic and nationalist war. Turkey and those who identified with Turkey broke out sectarian violence not only against the Syrians, but against all in the Middle East and North Africa. What started as Syria wanting to flex its muscles turned into an all out ideological war.
The sectarian Syria attack and counter attack by Turkey helped fuel the Palestinians to seek revenge against the nation of Israel. Since most of the fighting between Turkey and Syria was between Muslims, Jews and Christians, Palestine felt even more empowered to take it to Israel and other Judeo-Christians in the region. Other conflicts also arose in the region, some religiously fueled, others just because they had a strong distaste for their neighbor.
The most interesting part was the changing in alliances. Depending on who was getting attacked for various reasons, enemies became friends and friends became enemies. If a third party became involved, pure chaos erupted and what would seem the most rational (enemies fighting enemies), actually became unpredictable (enemies turning against the third party and allying together to fight off the new intruders). By the middle of the regional crisis, the genesis of this conflict was forgotten, and many of the boundaries of the Middle East, Northern Africa, and Southern Europe were destroyed. The ebb and flow of alliances caused too much confusion, and the entire area turned to anarchy.
There was one startling detail missing though--the lack of the United States, UN and EU presence in this widespread violence.
[In the dream, the conflict was illustrated on a sweet looking ancient map of the region described. I saw ellipses of enemies morphing into allies against other ellipses, and so on and so forth. I wish I knew how to graphically create it because it was really neat to watch unfold.]
At home in the United States:
The Environment
Growing up in the country I knew that if apocalyptic times ever came about I would always have my hunting and gathering skills, as there are always animals around to hunt or scavenge and plants to eat. The apparent lack of animals was astounding...no rabbits in yards, squirrels in trees, birds in the air, deer in the fields, nothing. Not a peep of animal was to be heard, nor a flash of tail was to be seen. The main food source left besides the dwindling and over priced grocery supply was grass and tree roots.
A several year crippling drought in the farmlands (Midwest) and floods in the fertile crescents (Mississippi/Ohio River valleys) drove grocery food supplies to a desperate low. Even the abundance of corn for ethanol was dwindled to nothing thanks to the floods and drought.
The Economy
Economic depression had ripped through the U.S. starting with soaring gas prices at $10 a gallon thanks to greed, high taxation and faulty futures predictions, and there was no mass transit systems to allow for travel across the vast country. The crumbling economy forced leaders to make a strategic and crippling decision to bring all of the worldwide troop presence home and shut down all of our foreign military bases. The only active branches left were the National Guard, Reserves and Coast Guard.
The economy also led to massive nationwide layoffs causing many people to move back to their original homes to help support each other. This caused a lot of tension as there were multiple families and as many as 5 to 6 generations living under one roof or on one plot of land. In the dream, the illustration was quite interesting to watch the migration of people. I saw massive migratory shifts across the United States back to their original hometowns. One example was people who lived in Eau Claire moved to Superior; families who lived in Minneapolis moved to Dallas; Denver families left everything and moved to Orlando; etc. Basically, whatever family member had the biggest house or biggest plot of land, the nuclear relatives moved there.
Of course, no money meant record housing foreclosures as well. There were vacant houses and lots all over the United States. Some due to families leaving all they knew behind to live with other family members; whereas, others were vacant due to people just giving up and living in the streets or wherever they could find shelter. This included sewer ducts and drains, concrete overpasses and awnings, caves, tents, trees, wherever.
The shocking thing was no one lived in the vacant homes. Squatters did not exist, and I do not know why that was. Maybe it was because they had given up hope, had seen what living in homes really cost and their souls were crushed as a result, or they were afraid the banks would kick them out again. Whatever the case, the empty houses sat dormant and dilapidated.
The Politics
With dwindling resources, overburdened taxation, and public confidence at an all time low, the politicians became weary and desperate. Instead of drawing closer with their constituents and citizens they represented by pooling the resources, they turned to even more extreme politics. The weapon of choice, words: cutting, alienating words. No violence was ever used in the crumbling of the United States politico, but where weapons would have limited the overall damage, the cold and calculated rehtroic cut deeper than ever. Not only were the democrats and liberals fighting republicans, who were fighting the libertarians, who were out for blood against the tea partiers and constitutionalists, but the federal reps were fighting the states, states fighting each other, and in-fighting within the states over resources was out of control.
The dream highlighted Wisconsin, and how the people and families of Superior were fighting Eau Claire residents (even though many were only days ago close friends); Eau Claire screamed at Madison who was in yelling fits with Milwaukee. Of course all of these areas were also fighting against Minnesota, so on and so forth. But nothing was getting accomplished. Only deeper wounds and deeper anger.
Since the government was not functioning and corporate leaders were callously indifferent to the suffering (they were still mobile and affluent), nonprofits tried to jump in and help the cause. They pooled all their resources, put on clothing and food drives, tried to raise money, and in Eau Claire (and across the country) they moved into a one stop shop facility for ease of access for those in desperate need. But even they couldn't keep up and their racks and shelves soon became bare...except for one:
Goodwill
I personally have nothing against Goodwill, but the dream specifically pointed out Goodwill.
Since Goodwill had the brand recognition and national resources, they were able to flex their muscles and use the deseperation marketing to sell their image and convince the public to give them all donations. Usually Goodwill is great with sharing and allocating resources to the community, but now the power of being the trusted brand and seeing the public's response, they too became indifferent to the suffering and became hungry for riches. Their reps would go as far as turning people out of the donation lines for the local nonprofits and showing them their storeroom at the central location where all the nonprofits were housed.
"Look at all the resources we have. How could they, who have empty pegboard walls and shelves, compete with us? Give us your donations and we'll appropriately and responsibly allocate these to those who really need it."
What the public did not know was no one received the donations, as the Goodwill execs were getting rich off withholding the resources the deprived public so badly needed.
Nervous State Leaders
It was around this time word was getting out about the sectarian violence in Turkey, Syria and Middle East. Fearing the worst with the abroad conflicts but also fearing national outbreak of violence in the US, the governors decided to activate their National Guard soldiers to protect their states. This caused more tension between already isolated families (some families were split up--wives from children and spouses, children from parents, etc., due to not being able to afford to travel), as now fathers, mothers, sons and daughters were forced to leave the confines of home and head to the state's main National Guard bases for an indefinite amount of time.
The federal government could not do anything about it as their hands were tied with budget constraints on their own military branches. The federal military branches (Army, Navy, Marines, Air Force) was literally shut down due to lack of funding, and the bases were closed. Only the Pentagon remained open where the top military officials could confer in a central location in case if evasive action was needed.
Back in Europe:
The Politics
Meanwhile, tensions in the European Union and affiliated countries were growing stronger as the regional sectarian violence was becoming wide spread. The stronghold Western European countries (France, Spain, Germany, Sweden, Finland, Norway, Britain) were in the same political and economic battle as the United States, but had more of a sense of urgency in pulling together to find solutions to the situations before it spread to the "free world", and less verbal wars than what was experienced in the United States. However, even their great ideals of finding a solution was starting to come to an end, and hope was being lost.
Then it happened:
Falling Arrows
I was in my close friend's house with him, his girlfriend, and my father. My brother was working and my mom was absent, looking for food possibly. Chalsea was at home in Eau Claire. I had made the trip up to gather what little remaining resources we had left before heading back. I was standing by a window looking out at the gray, murky, cloud-filled sky, as the sun hadn't shown in days, looking over the streets and seeing the desperation setting in on the people below.
Out of no where I heard a "thwack" and a blood curdling scream. A man keeled over and a huge, 4-foot-long, 3-inch-wide, wooden arrow was stuck in him--ran him through. All of a sudden the window next to me crashed as an arrow flew in from out of nowhere. Then a barrage of wooden arrows came flying out of the sky, bouncing off people's rooftops and walls, smashing windows and denting vehicles. Carnage was in the streets as now people were being picked off left and right.
Pure panic filled the city, and no one knew what to do! People rushed for any sort of shelter and protection, including vacant houses, storm drains, caves, underpasses, buildings, anything with a roof and a narrow entrance.
I yelled throughout the house to gather everyone into the innermost rooms of the building away from windows, doors and exterior walls, as the arrows could only penetrate the first layer of the wall structures, and the roofs of the houses were impenetrable.
Immediately we turned on the television and scoured the internet to see if this was widespread. Certainly carnage was flowing throughout the United States and Canada as news reports flooded the airwaves and internet pages about the mass annihilation of innocent bystanders. The arrows also took out many satellites, communication towers and the trans-Atlantic wire (does that even exist anymore?) so communication with Europe and the rest of the world became obsolete. Cell phone usage was hit and miss, but people were able to access the internet and call each other, at least in the United States, through land line and dial up modems.
Meanwhile, back in Eurasia...
The fighting and desolation between the warring countries was starting to spread to more of Europe, all of Africa and the western part of the Asian continent. All over the region, Jews and Christians were being tortured, exiled and killed for their beliefs in God. Men and women were being stoned to death, hung from crosses, hanged, whipped, boiled, and any other means of death possible. The EU had given up hope and left it up to the independent countries to call truces or peace among the nations. It seemed that all power and control was lost and total anarchy was upon the Eastern hemisphere. Then the Falling Arrows started its descent on Western Europe--on those countries that had just given up hope (Spain, France, Britain, Ireland, Scotland, Finland, Norway, Sweden, Germany, etc).
The Stranger
Suddenly, a man of middle eastern descent, rose from the Mecca area of Saudi Arabia and began to purposefully and powerfully move throughout the region finding the most outcast and desperate people possible in the promise of bringing peace to the region. This guy was untouchable. He could walk right through live battles and not even be glanced by a bullet or touched by violence. In fact, time would stand still as he searched out and selected his chosen followers. His journey started in Egypt, moved to Morocco and Libya, then to Saudi Arabia, Syria, Turkey, Iraq, Italy, Romania, Russia and even Poland.
It was in Poland where the vision, through a polarized orange/yellow hue, graphically showed a man of unknown religion being crucified by brazen armored soldiers. This peacemaker stranger, through what seemed pure unconcern and oblivion to the violence around him, had the audacity to walk right past all that was going on, reached out his hand and pulled the suffering victim down from the cross. From that point on the 12 followers of his were established, each one from a distant lineage of the tribes of Israel, and his crusade of bringing peace began.
He won the hearts of many, and the confidence politically and economically of the Western European countries as treaties were drawn up, the economy strengthened and hope restored. In fact, the arrows even quit falling on those parts of Europe that had given up all hope and started falling in Asia major.
However, the peace that was being won was a deceitful power play of more violence and carnage. Even though this stranger was able to unite the European and Middle Eastern cultures to solidarity, the violence grew even more widespread as he commanded the armies to spread to the rest of Asia to begin the world takeover. To kill anyone who was a survivor of the arrow attacks. And as the violence moved eastward, the arrows started falling again behind them, picking off all who weren't following.
The Anti-Christ had established himself in the world, and the Western world was no where to be found.
The Desolation in the United States
My vision then shifted back to the United States as the arrows flung themselves upon the once free country. I went from city to city, state to state seeing the desperation and loss of hope that began to sink in to so many hearts. Many people were hoping for a quick end to their lives so they wouldn't have to suffer anymore. There was a lot of wailing and sorrowful voices crying out to each other to find any solace possible.
The vision then focused in on Washington, D.C. It was like I saw the city through the same polarized yellow/orange lenses, as what used to be the capitol city lie before me in ruin. It looked as if an atom bomb had gone off, as the national monuments, buildings and offices were destroyed. All of our political leaders had been slayed by the arrows, and the Pentagon, Capitol Building and White House were nothing but mortar and bricks with the shell of the buildings left.
A New Hope in the United States
The vision then turned back to where I was huddled in the inner room of my friends house. I found myself crying out to God asking him what was going on and what needed to be done. I was desperately pleading with the Lord to stop the arrows from falling and to bring peace to the United States once again. The Lord simply answered,
"Go outside."
"Are you crazy, Lord! Arrows are flying out of the sky, picking people off left and right and you want me to go outside!!!??? Isn't praying from in here enough? Must I risk my life for nothing? Are you kidding me? Only a madman would go outside right now!"
"I'm with you, go outside and pray out loud. I will protect you."
"OK, I will do it," I answered hesitantly, "I will go outside and pray to you my Lord."
At first I didn't know what to pray so I just prayed out to God asking for his sovereignty and goodness even in times like this and admitting to him how scared I was. I really, really prayed about how scared I was and how badly I needed him in that moment. Suddenly, an umbrella type arch appeared over my head as I walked through the threshold of the door and onto the driveway outside. People who stood by their windows watched in awe.
"What are you doing!?" they screamed.
"Praying! Praying to my Lord, God!" I replied bewilderingly. I prayed a bit more and sure enough, I was safe. The arrows were bouncing off the protective shield above my head. I yelled out, "God will protect you, come outside and pray with me!" to all that would hear.
Eventually people came out, seeing that I was bold enough to stand the test. They too joined in with scared prayers at first but eventually grew confidence that their one true God was going to save them, too. People immediately started calling, texting and e-mailing friends and family reporting the good news of salvation; how God had delivered them from the falling arrows and was protecting them.
As the news spread like wildfire, the umbrella type bubbles over peoples' heads grew into huge, HUGE hands. I asked God what this all meant, and he replied, "The arrows are falling stars. All of creation has been groaning for this moment and is starting to fall in upon itself. Through your prayers and testimony of faith, my Angel armies have been called upon the Earth to protect all that follow me. What you see above the heads of my chosen ones are the hands of Angels. They have always been there but now you are able to see them."
In that moment, communication with Western Europe was restored and the gospel was spread to them. The falling arrows were ceasing in the countries that held faith and hope that the one true God would save them.
Shortly after, as people were coming out of the dwellings, no longer praying for the mountains to cave in but to find faith and protection from God the arrows quit falling. The sun came out, the believing nations regained color, and a new hope arose. People became united in Love for each other as old enemies became friends again, and families were reunited.
Joy and worship erupted in the streets of North America and Western Europe. Never before in the history of humankind were we so excited to be alive! Our God had come through and we were living proof of his power.
The Arrival
All of a sudden Jesus appeared before us and walked with us preaching and commending God for his good work done through us. He rounded all who followed him, as people from all over the North American continent drew in close. He looked at us with compassion and a fierce, burning jealousy raged through him. "Are you ready?" he asked.
"Ready for what, Lord?" I replied.
"We are going to take back what is ours. We are going to defeat darkness, the Anti Christ and his armies once and for all, are you with me?"
"But Lord, we have no weapons and no way to travel overseas," I protested.
"You have me, that's enough. I'm all you need," He replied earnestly.
At that moment a peace came upon us all as the Holy Spirit raced through all present. We started hovering above the ground, and we began to fly with Christ to cross the Atlantic and take the battle to the front lines. Jesus Christ as our leader.
And that's when the vision ended.
Amen.
I love you,
Ken
Wednesday, May 9, 2012
Game Over: Living life inspired by the Greatest of These
When pressed by the Pharisees about which was the greatest commandment (Matt. 22:36-40, NIV):
37 Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your
mind.’[a] 38 This is the first and greatest commandment. 39 And the second is like it: ‘Love your
neighbor as yourself.’[b] 40 All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”
We've all heard this, a million times over. Maybe it's hit you with Dunamis-life-altering-power, maybe not. Maybe it's like drinking warm water when the words leave your lips, maybe it's like drinking fire. Maybe it hits you in the ears like a rubber chicken, or it penetrates deeply into your soul, but what does this really mean?
Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind...
Love the Lord your God. Easy, right? With all your heart? He made my heart, no problem. All your soul? He controls it, sure, I mean it's somewhere down there, last time I checked at least. All your mind? Wait, mind? I control my mind, don't I? I control what I say, think, feel, process, dream and want to do with my mind.
If we only understood how deeply God loved us, this would be easy. What is holding you back?
The purpose of this post is not to focus on this first part; however, the past few sentences really are meant to get you thinking what God's love really looks like, first from Him to you, and then from you to Him, and then toward yourself.
Loving yourself?
Sounds selfish, right? I mean, most fights and conflicts arise when we love ourselves. Usually when we love ourselves it puts other people out of the picture; we reach for our dreams, desires, needs and wants first, and if we actually help someone else in the process, that's a collateral consolation prize in gaining our "good deeds" points for God and getting to Heaven.
But really, how are we supposed to really LOVE others if we do not Love ourselves, first? Maybe the definition of love needs to be changed from love to Love, at least how we view it from an every day world sense. I appreciate this definition from 1 John 3:16 (NIV): This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters.
Or how about John 13:35 (NIV): "By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”
Of course love definitions also come from Paul in his writings to the Corinthians (insert 1 Cor 13 here, probably heard at any wedding you've ever been to). Patience, kindness, not proud, serving, seeking others, the list goes on.
Yeah, that all makes sense in loving others, but love myself? Really!?
With this new sense of what "Love" means, do you love yourself? Can you love yourself. It's a pretty big deal, because, as Jesus said, to love others means loving them as we LOVE OURSELVES. Now that we don't have a selfish view or at least definition (by this blog's terms) of what real Love looks like, is it even possible?
That was a real question to me when I began my healing journey. When asked if I Love myself, I didn't have an answer. Truth was, I HATED myself, everything about my being, what I stood for, what I had done in my life, who I was, where I was, everything. I woke up and spite and disdain would flow from my essence even though I was really good at masking with with a proud sense of "serving others," which was really an empty well of bitterness and hatred. It was a well that never filled, always leaving me empty, so I looked for relief wherever I could find it. Something to cover the hatred for myself.
Do you love yourself?
What do you feel when you realistically ask yourself that question. I mean really search your inner core, your true essence, your being. Do you love yourself? Can you love yourself? Why even bother, right?
BECAUSE GOD SO LOVED THE WORLD HE GAVE HIS ONLY SON (JOHN 3:16)
God knew what he was getting into. He knew we were full of failures, faults, sin and evil desires and intentions, yet He still Loved us (with so much patience, grace, mercy, kindness, selflessness, servant-hood), so much he let his Son die and bleed out, and be mocked, picked on, rejected and beaten, for us. Every single human being who walks on this Earth.
Let that soak in for a bit. Stop reading. Come back to this if you need to.
There is a point. This post isn't going to turn into a John 3:16 seminar, but this point is important. We are that valuable to our creator God that He sacrificed himself on a cross just to regain relationship with us.
We are that valuable. Each one of us. Individually unique and marked by God.
I'm not just talking Christians here, either. ALL of us are that valuable to God, whether we believe in Him or not. He believes in us. He can redeem anyone using any story He desires. He Loves you.
When this starts sinking in, you feel it. A little twinge, a little pull, a little smile forms. Then a quick pull back or shutter, and the door slams shut and denial sets in. You know what, that is OK! God is patient. He created eternity, He will wait, but the question is how long can you wait?
To be set free to Love your neighbor, you must love yourself first!
When we begin to Love ourselves, we begin to Love God by being obedient to His wishes, desires and dreams for our lives. You may think it's impossible, but let's look at Jesus. Seriously, let's go there.
Jesus was a human, just like you and I. Now before you throw the blasphemy train at me, Jesus was also fully God, and He knew this. He chose to be fully human also. Why is that so important? He wanted relationship with us so bad [His creation (as God), his neighbor (as Christ the Jewish carpenter, rabbi human)], he decided to strip himself of all his Godly rights and live as a humble, obedient servant human (see Hebrews).
Jesus was born a baby, pooped his cloth diaper, nursed for food and needed to be burped and cleaned just like us, had the same perils of being birthed in the most unsanitary conditions possible, brought up in a time of political uncertainty, all while learning how to walk on his own, feed himself, learn his Hebrew alphabet, and search out his God Created Identity.
He needed to learn how dependent on God he really was, just like us. He knew how much God loved him, but he learned how much God loved him, too.
It's true that no sin ever departed from His being, and He never knew sin while walking on the Earth, and He had this crazy supernatural protection around Him. But what happened if He would have had sinful things happen to Him? What would have happened if He was sexually molested, sexually or physically abused, beaten by Joseph or an Uncle, neglected, and He still died for our sins as God on the cross. Would you look at Jesus differently then?
What gives us the right to look at our neighbor with such disdain? Jesus knows their pain, He lived the human experience.
Why do Christians overlook the Greatest of These commandment so much, unless if it really affects them? I know, we all fall short of the glory of God (Romans), and we're all sinful creatures. None of us have it figured out. Is it because you can't see how Jesus loved you as His neighbor? Do you not feel Jesus can relate to your story?
True, Jesus did not sin or suffer physical abuse growing up, but the man was picked on, chastised, rejected, persecuted, even called a bastard, in a sense, from the Pharisees. Jesus was abandoned by his parents when He was twelve-years-old. Now true, when the Middle Eastern Jews rolled, they rolled about 80 deep with their entourage, but who forgets their first-born son? Mary and Joseph did. They left Jesus for three days at temple, after the Passover Feast (see Luke 2:39-52).
Can you relate?
Growing up I was picked on mercilessly by peers, family members, adults, friends. You name it, I was marked. I walked through life feeling this huge bulls eye on my back and forehead for permission to go ahead and pick on me. A huge kick me sign on my back, a huge gullible sign on my forehead. Of course, I didn't help myself out at all by being judgmental, holding grudges, and looking for revenge all the time. Or just being a poor sport. Who knows?
But I grew up, from the beginning, feeling rejected, defected [being sexually abused didn't help (believing the lies in my four-year-old head and soul about how I was worthless, had no value. Of course, my sexual abuser was male, so add that to the equation--I was messed up emotionally, and had because of my defectiveness, I had no value)], and persecuted for being me--a light of God, a warrior for his people, a spot of wisdom and gentleness in a broken world, a receptacle for God's and Jesus' love in its fullest for my neighbor. To have a sensitive and loving heart for others who were broken, just like me. To have a heart like this was painful and costly. In addition, my own story of rejection, abuse and neglect was piled on top, too much for a four-year old to emotionally process, so I cut myself emotionally, deep to the core for feeling my own pain, and never let anyone know my secret. This led to more emotional cutting, more self hatred, and more performance addiction. Expecting myself to be a top performer and others.
I'm not perfect, nor an "angel or saint," nor am I the best representation, but to share a heart of Love with others, God's heart toward others, was God's plan for me. A plan that is just now being redeemed.
In the end Jesus was flogged, beaten, whipped, spit upon, rejected, mocked, denied and crucified for that Koinonia relationship He desired so badly with the ones he called neighbors. There was no doubt Jesus knew how much God loved Him. There was also no doubt that Jesus loved himself. Even near the end He pleaded with God to "take the cup from his hands." Luke 22:42-43 (NIV):
42 “Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done.” 43 An angel from heaven appeared to him and strengthened him. 44 And being in anguish, he prayed more earnestly, and his sweat was like drops of blood falling to the ground.[c]
Jesus enjoyed being a human. He loved relating with people and having relationship, no matter how hurtful or painful the relationship may have been, or how slow us humans are with realizing huge and basic concepts (how many times did Jesus shake his head or sigh at the disciples lack of understanding?). But in the end Jesus loved God more and knew God's wiill and redeeming plan for the entire world, for His neighbors.
Obedience to a cross is the final victory in the redemption of Loving our neighbor as we Love ourselves.
So as disciples of Christ, as Christians, we should be marked by this relentless willingness to serve our neighbor, regardless of political backing, ethnicity, religion, race, creed, orientation, and on and on. Just as Christ loved us and loved those who beat him and crucified him; just as the Apostles loved their neighbors by spreading the gospel to their deaths; as many others felt the fire burn for their neighbor, the Love of God for them, they rejected their own life and bared the Cross of Christ daily to show their neighbor their value and worth in God's eyes; we are now called to live a life like that.
Oh, a life like that is costly. Jesus' life wasn't peachy, nor the apostles, nor the people who came before or after Christ who followed God so obediently out of reverent fear and Love for him, but they knew the bigger picture. They saw what it was all worth.
At the final day of judgement is it true, every knee will bow. On some God will show mercy, even if they had never heard of Jesus. However, at that time they have a chance to repent. Then God will turn to those that are called Christians, and ask them why these people have never heard of Christ. If an account can not be given, He will tell those to get away from him, for He never knew that person who didn't share the Love of Jesus Christ with the World, his neighbor, neglecting the Greatest of These commandments.
Brash warning, bold words. How do you respond in your heart of hearts?
You are important to God. God Loves you and finds value in you. No matter how broken, despised or how much hate you feel for yourself. God still Loves you. Regardless of your life circumstances or situations. God Loves you and values you as his neighbor. Once you know how much God Loves you, you will naturally Love him back, and in the process feel His Love for others.
I pray that in the end I can hold myself accountable of showing God's Love toward my and His neighbor. This blog is only the tip of the ice berg of what I need to do, so I need to ask for God's guidance and presence every day, and live out of obedience to his will, not mine. His Love not my love.
Begin Loving yourself, showing yourself grace and mercy. Love God, Love yourself, Love your Neighbor.
But why the title, "Game Over"? It's because if we followed The Greatest of These Commandments, if every Christian and Christ follower would loose their heart and let the Love of God infiltrate their every step, if they would learn how to Love themselves as God Loves them, if then they would begin to Love their neighbor, then their neighbor would learn of their value to God and feel his Love, only then would the whole world hear and obey, and it could put an end to all this madness that sin has brought into our lives. Essentially, it would be Game Over to allowing Satan have rule and dominion over the power and world that he's already lost. It would show him that Christ is the ultimate victor, and through His Love we prevail over darkness. No more finger pointing, no more hostility and anger, no more hungry and homeless people. The least will become greatest and the last will become first.
In essence, God's will would be done on Earth right now, as it is done in Heaven.
So I'll write it again:
Love God, Love yourself, Love your Neighbor.
I Love you,
Ken
37 Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your
mind.’[a] 38 This is the first and greatest commandment. 39 And the second is like it: ‘Love your
neighbor as yourself.’[b] 40 All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”
We've all heard this, a million times over. Maybe it's hit you with Dunamis-life-altering-power, maybe not. Maybe it's like drinking warm water when the words leave your lips, maybe it's like drinking fire. Maybe it hits you in the ears like a rubber chicken, or it penetrates deeply into your soul, but what does this really mean?
Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind...
Love the Lord your God. Easy, right? With all your heart? He made my heart, no problem. All your soul? He controls it, sure, I mean it's somewhere down there, last time I checked at least. All your mind? Wait, mind? I control my mind, don't I? I control what I say, think, feel, process, dream and want to do with my mind.
If we only understood how deeply God loved us, this would be easy. What is holding you back?
The purpose of this post is not to focus on this first part; however, the past few sentences really are meant to get you thinking what God's love really looks like, first from Him to you, and then from you to Him, and then toward yourself.
Loving yourself?
Sounds selfish, right? I mean, most fights and conflicts arise when we love ourselves. Usually when we love ourselves it puts other people out of the picture; we reach for our dreams, desires, needs and wants first, and if we actually help someone else in the process, that's a collateral consolation prize in gaining our "good deeds" points for God and getting to Heaven.
But really, how are we supposed to really LOVE others if we do not Love ourselves, first? Maybe the definition of love needs to be changed from love to Love, at least how we view it from an every day world sense. I appreciate this definition from 1 John 3:16 (NIV): This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters.
Or how about John 13:35 (NIV): "By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”
Of course love definitions also come from Paul in his writings to the Corinthians (insert 1 Cor 13 here, probably heard at any wedding you've ever been to). Patience, kindness, not proud, serving, seeking others, the list goes on.
Yeah, that all makes sense in loving others, but love myself? Really!?
With this new sense of what "Love" means, do you love yourself? Can you love yourself. It's a pretty big deal, because, as Jesus said, to love others means loving them as we LOVE OURSELVES. Now that we don't have a selfish view or at least definition (by this blog's terms) of what real Love looks like, is it even possible?
That was a real question to me when I began my healing journey. When asked if I Love myself, I didn't have an answer. Truth was, I HATED myself, everything about my being, what I stood for, what I had done in my life, who I was, where I was, everything. I woke up and spite and disdain would flow from my essence even though I was really good at masking with with a proud sense of "serving others," which was really an empty well of bitterness and hatred. It was a well that never filled, always leaving me empty, so I looked for relief wherever I could find it. Something to cover the hatred for myself.
Do you love yourself?
What do you feel when you realistically ask yourself that question. I mean really search your inner core, your true essence, your being. Do you love yourself? Can you love yourself? Why even bother, right?
BECAUSE GOD SO LOVED THE WORLD HE GAVE HIS ONLY SON (JOHN 3:16)
God knew what he was getting into. He knew we were full of failures, faults, sin and evil desires and intentions, yet He still Loved us (with so much patience, grace, mercy, kindness, selflessness, servant-hood), so much he let his Son die and bleed out, and be mocked, picked on, rejected and beaten, for us. Every single human being who walks on this Earth.
Let that soak in for a bit. Stop reading. Come back to this if you need to.
There is a point. This post isn't going to turn into a John 3:16 seminar, but this point is important. We are that valuable to our creator God that He sacrificed himself on a cross just to regain relationship with us.
We are that valuable. Each one of us. Individually unique and marked by God.
I'm not just talking Christians here, either. ALL of us are that valuable to God, whether we believe in Him or not. He believes in us. He can redeem anyone using any story He desires. He Loves you.
When this starts sinking in, you feel it. A little twinge, a little pull, a little smile forms. Then a quick pull back or shutter, and the door slams shut and denial sets in. You know what, that is OK! God is patient. He created eternity, He will wait, but the question is how long can you wait?
To be set free to Love your neighbor, you must love yourself first!
When we begin to Love ourselves, we begin to Love God by being obedient to His wishes, desires and dreams for our lives. You may think it's impossible, but let's look at Jesus. Seriously, let's go there.
Jesus was a human, just like you and I. Now before you throw the blasphemy train at me, Jesus was also fully God, and He knew this. He chose to be fully human also. Why is that so important? He wanted relationship with us so bad [His creation (as God), his neighbor (as Christ the Jewish carpenter, rabbi human)], he decided to strip himself of all his Godly rights and live as a humble, obedient servant human (see Hebrews).
Jesus was born a baby, pooped his cloth diaper, nursed for food and needed to be burped and cleaned just like us, had the same perils of being birthed in the most unsanitary conditions possible, brought up in a time of political uncertainty, all while learning how to walk on his own, feed himself, learn his Hebrew alphabet, and search out his God Created Identity.
He needed to learn how dependent on God he really was, just like us. He knew how much God loved him, but he learned how much God loved him, too.
It's true that no sin ever departed from His being, and He never knew sin while walking on the Earth, and He had this crazy supernatural protection around Him. But what happened if He would have had sinful things happen to Him? What would have happened if He was sexually molested, sexually or physically abused, beaten by Joseph or an Uncle, neglected, and He still died for our sins as God on the cross. Would you look at Jesus differently then?
What gives us the right to look at our neighbor with such disdain? Jesus knows their pain, He lived the human experience.
Why do Christians overlook the Greatest of These commandment so much, unless if it really affects them? I know, we all fall short of the glory of God (Romans), and we're all sinful creatures. None of us have it figured out. Is it because you can't see how Jesus loved you as His neighbor? Do you not feel Jesus can relate to your story?
True, Jesus did not sin or suffer physical abuse growing up, but the man was picked on, chastised, rejected, persecuted, even called a bastard, in a sense, from the Pharisees. Jesus was abandoned by his parents when He was twelve-years-old. Now true, when the Middle Eastern Jews rolled, they rolled about 80 deep with their entourage, but who forgets their first-born son? Mary and Joseph did. They left Jesus for three days at temple, after the Passover Feast (see Luke 2:39-52).
Can you relate?
Growing up I was picked on mercilessly by peers, family members, adults, friends. You name it, I was marked. I walked through life feeling this huge bulls eye on my back and forehead for permission to go ahead and pick on me. A huge kick me sign on my back, a huge gullible sign on my forehead. Of course, I didn't help myself out at all by being judgmental, holding grudges, and looking for revenge all the time. Or just being a poor sport. Who knows?
But I grew up, from the beginning, feeling rejected, defected [being sexually abused didn't help (believing the lies in my four-year-old head and soul about how I was worthless, had no value. Of course, my sexual abuser was male, so add that to the equation--I was messed up emotionally, and had because of my defectiveness, I had no value)], and persecuted for being me--a light of God, a warrior for his people, a spot of wisdom and gentleness in a broken world, a receptacle for God's and Jesus' love in its fullest for my neighbor. To have a sensitive and loving heart for others who were broken, just like me. To have a heart like this was painful and costly. In addition, my own story of rejection, abuse and neglect was piled on top, too much for a four-year old to emotionally process, so I cut myself emotionally, deep to the core for feeling my own pain, and never let anyone know my secret. This led to more emotional cutting, more self hatred, and more performance addiction. Expecting myself to be a top performer and others.
I'm not perfect, nor an "angel or saint," nor am I the best representation, but to share a heart of Love with others, God's heart toward others, was God's plan for me. A plan that is just now being redeemed.
In the end Jesus was flogged, beaten, whipped, spit upon, rejected, mocked, denied and crucified for that Koinonia relationship He desired so badly with the ones he called neighbors. There was no doubt Jesus knew how much God loved Him. There was also no doubt that Jesus loved himself. Even near the end He pleaded with God to "take the cup from his hands." Luke 22:42-43 (NIV):
42 “Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done.” 43 An angel from heaven appeared to him and strengthened him. 44 And being in anguish, he prayed more earnestly, and his sweat was like drops of blood falling to the ground.[c]
Jesus enjoyed being a human. He loved relating with people and having relationship, no matter how hurtful or painful the relationship may have been, or how slow us humans are with realizing huge and basic concepts (how many times did Jesus shake his head or sigh at the disciples lack of understanding?). But in the end Jesus loved God more and knew God's wiill and redeeming plan for the entire world, for His neighbors.
Obedience to a cross is the final victory in the redemption of Loving our neighbor as we Love ourselves.
So as disciples of Christ, as Christians, we should be marked by this relentless willingness to serve our neighbor, regardless of political backing, ethnicity, religion, race, creed, orientation, and on and on. Just as Christ loved us and loved those who beat him and crucified him; just as the Apostles loved their neighbors by spreading the gospel to their deaths; as many others felt the fire burn for their neighbor, the Love of God for them, they rejected their own life and bared the Cross of Christ daily to show their neighbor their value and worth in God's eyes; we are now called to live a life like that.
Oh, a life like that is costly. Jesus' life wasn't peachy, nor the apostles, nor the people who came before or after Christ who followed God so obediently out of reverent fear and Love for him, but they knew the bigger picture. They saw what it was all worth.
At the final day of judgement is it true, every knee will bow. On some God will show mercy, even if they had never heard of Jesus. However, at that time they have a chance to repent. Then God will turn to those that are called Christians, and ask them why these people have never heard of Christ. If an account can not be given, He will tell those to get away from him, for He never knew that person who didn't share the Love of Jesus Christ with the World, his neighbor, neglecting the Greatest of These commandments.
Brash warning, bold words. How do you respond in your heart of hearts?
You are important to God. God Loves you and finds value in you. No matter how broken, despised or how much hate you feel for yourself. God still Loves you. Regardless of your life circumstances or situations. God Loves you and values you as his neighbor. Once you know how much God Loves you, you will naturally Love him back, and in the process feel His Love for others.
I pray that in the end I can hold myself accountable of showing God's Love toward my and His neighbor. This blog is only the tip of the ice berg of what I need to do, so I need to ask for God's guidance and presence every day, and live out of obedience to his will, not mine. His Love not my love.
Begin Loving yourself, showing yourself grace and mercy. Love God, Love yourself, Love your Neighbor.
But why the title, "Game Over"? It's because if we followed The Greatest of These Commandments, if every Christian and Christ follower would loose their heart and let the Love of God infiltrate their every step, if they would learn how to Love themselves as God Loves them, if then they would begin to Love their neighbor, then their neighbor would learn of their value to God and feel his Love, only then would the whole world hear and obey, and it could put an end to all this madness that sin has brought into our lives. Essentially, it would be Game Over to allowing Satan have rule and dominion over the power and world that he's already lost. It would show him that Christ is the ultimate victor, and through His Love we prevail over darkness. No more finger pointing, no more hostility and anger, no more hungry and homeless people. The least will become greatest and the last will become first.
In essence, God's will would be done on Earth right now, as it is done in Heaven.
So I'll write it again:
Love God, Love yourself, Love your Neighbor.
I Love you,
Ken
Friday, April 20, 2012
The Sea
It can be so easy to lose focus when walking on the path of obedience. I understand why Paul was so adamant about his own struggle with sin in Romans when he speaks of he knows what to do and doesn't do it or knows what not to do and still proceeds doing so. It's those distractions, those hooks of sin that can draw us back into the worlds in which we used to live. The worlds that would make us spiral out of control into darkness, shame and sin.
I was listening to a service in the series called "Turning the Tide" the other day and Matt and Doug were speaking about the crossing of theRed Sea . It made me stop and think about what that must have been like. To have the Egyptian army, THE ENTIRE EGYPTIAN ARMY, the most feared army in the world at that time, with all their chariots, elite soldiers and infantry men, all the generals, commanders, sergeants, bearing down on you and there the entire nation of Israel was smack dab up against the Red Sea. Any diversion around it would have been deadly as they would have been flanked by the corners.
Their hope was to live free, out of Egyptian captivity. They had escaped and come this far. Only to be in sink or swim situation, literally.
It was sure death. No way out. Trapped.
Imagine living your whole life in the desertland of Egypt
Now you and a whole nation are faced up against a do or die situation, sink or swim. Then God steps in. It's easy for us to look back and say, look at how awesome God was at that time. He split the sea through the command of Moses and the sea parted and the land dried up, allowing the weary nation to move on. It's easy to look back, but at the time, I'm sure they were scared to death, caught up in the moment, paralyzed in their own power.
You know how that feels, right?
I need to reflect on two points.
First, theRed Sea parted down the middle and they watched it happen. It would be like me walking outside, seeing that it is raining out, expecting to get wet, but not getting wet because wherever I moved an invisible barrier was over the top of me. That would be a miracle, an unexpected miracle. A nice miracle but still unexpected. God moved an ENTIRE BODY OF WATER through his servant Moses out of necessity for escape and freedom. The crazy thing is, the entire nation walked through the body, partly out of pure panic of having the strongest army ever known on your tail, partly out of being crazy (who walks into an ocean?), but mostly out of faith. True this wasn't their first miracle (remember the plagues and the escape in general), but still talk about having huge faith. There was no guarantee that the Sea wouldn't come crashing in, but by faith they walked through. Even though moments before they considered giving up and going back into captivity to face who knows what type of brutality, the entire nation held onto faith that their one true Abba Father God would carry them through. They kept the dream alive, and God kept them alive.
The whole nation ofIsrael
Second, what do you picture when you see theRed Sea parting? I'm sorry but I usually see this tiny deer path opening up, just enough to let one person through at time in a single file line. I bet that is what you think, too, and that is OK. However, when you start to realize how much LOVE, real LOVE, God had for his people, the picture in my mind expanded greatly. In fact, only now as I write I really see the true picture of what happened. THE RED SEA Israel
When God works miracles, they are not begrudgingly small inconveniences, just-enough-to-get-by occurrences. They are acts of crazy, head-over-heels love for you and me.
Could you imagine walking through a dried up sea with the walls of the sea towering far, far, far above head? We're talking cubits (to speak biblically) above! It would be easy to say you'd keep purposefully walking, especially in the deep of the sea, because you never know when the walls of water will come violently come crashing back. But do we? Do we keep purposefully moving forward, even in the middle of our parted seas? As the world throws us turbulent times and as we continue our walk of obedience, are we always intentional and focused on the main goal? Do we keep our faith or act out of fear that the sea will come crashing back down at any moment. Do we keep moving out of Godly fear and reverence of his love, or do we take our time, lose focus, and pick up sea shells and fossils along the way?
I know I would have had one heck of a time moving forward. I would want to start collecting those sea shells and fossils, as my attention span would start to wane. Or I'd want to rest and stop moving, and take a seat up against the solid water wall and nap a bit. Again, I think this little deer trail opened, the nation ofIsrael took two steps and they were on the Saudi Arabia
NO! TheRED SEA
Talk about focus and determination that God would get them through! So where are you on your walk lately? Are there turbulent issues going on in your life and you're stacked up against a Sea and the enemy of your life? Do you feel that you're walking a tightrope down the middle of the Sea waiting for the walls to come crashing in and drown you at any time? Or are you on the other side, being patent and faithful in your God, watching the turbulent times become destroyed as you look back, see how big your Abba Father is, praise him and claim victory, only to find yourself in another desert? Only pleading with God to take you back to where you came from, even if it meant captivity to sin and death, because it is "safe" and "normal"? After all, you've grown accustomed to heartache, loneliness, depravity of soul, and the numbness that came with living in captivity to sin.
I know from experience. This was my life. Always looking back, longing for the old days, even when death and destruction were immense and heavy. I lost focus many times in the middle of escape, looking for sea shells, fossils and a place to rest and numb out rather than continue moving in obedience toward God and His plan for your life. Once I reached the other side, I longed to go back to captivity, remembering all the good times of living in sin, when in reality they were soul crushing in heavy. I chose to stop and not move once I reached the other side of the Sea, even though Jesus Christ destroyed my enemies and sin, washed them all away, and claimed victory over my former ways. It was in this time of disobedience when I fell into my darkest and most secret of secret worlds. The one that brought crippling death and sorrow into my life and marriage.
I chose to go back to death. I chose depression and the heaviness that brought. Only Jesus saved me again! Now I live free in obedience to Christ, and living out who I’m supposed to be! Living a life and marriage restored in Christ!
So I'm going to ask again. Where are you in your path? What are you holding onto that's keeping you in captivity or living in a fantasy of living the dream of the past? Why are you holding back from God and his plan of a more and better life?
I love you,
Ken
I was listening to a service in the series called "Turning the Tide" the other day and Matt and Doug were speaking about the crossing of the
Their hope was to live free, out of Egyptian captivity. They had escaped and come this far. Only to be in sink or swim situation, literally.
It was sure death. No way out. Trapped.
Imagine living your whole life in the desert
Now you and a whole nation are faced up against a do or die situation, sink or swim. Then God steps in. It's easy for us to look back and say, look at how awesome God was at that time. He split the sea through the command of Moses and the sea parted and the land dried up, allowing the weary nation to move on. It's easy to look back, but at the time, I'm sure they were scared to death, caught up in the moment, paralyzed in their own power.
You know how that feels, right?
I need to reflect on two points.
First, the
The whole nation of
Second, what do you picture when you see the
When God works miracles, they are not begrudgingly small inconveniences, just-enough-to-get-by occurrences. They are acts of crazy, head-over-heels love for you and me.
Could you imagine walking through a dried up sea with the walls of the sea towering far, far, far above head? We're talking cubits (to speak biblically) above! It would be easy to say you'd keep purposefully walking, especially in the deep of the sea, because you never know when the walls of water will come violently come crashing back. But do we? Do we keep purposefully moving forward, even in the middle of our parted seas? As the world throws us turbulent times and as we continue our walk of obedience, are we always intentional and focused on the main goal? Do we keep our faith or act out of fear that the sea will come crashing back down at any moment. Do we keep moving out of Godly fear and reverence of his love, or do we take our time, lose focus, and pick up sea shells and fossils along the way?
I know I would have had one heck of a time moving forward. I would want to start collecting those sea shells and fossils, as my attention span would start to wane. Or I'd want to rest and stop moving, and take a seat up against the solid water wall and nap a bit. Again, I think this little deer trail opened, the nation of
NO! The
Talk about focus and determination that God would get them through! So where are you on your walk lately? Are there turbulent issues going on in your life and you're stacked up against a Sea and the enemy of your life? Do you feel that you're walking a tightrope down the middle of the Sea waiting for the walls to come crashing in and drown you at any time? Or are you on the other side, being patent and faithful in your God, watching the turbulent times become destroyed as you look back, see how big your Abba Father is, praise him and claim victory, only to find yourself in another desert? Only pleading with God to take you back to where you came from, even if it meant captivity to sin and death, because it is "safe" and "normal"? After all, you've grown accustomed to heartache, loneliness, depravity of soul, and the numbness that came with living in captivity to sin.
I know from experience. This was my life. Always looking back, longing for the old days, even when death and destruction were immense and heavy. I lost focus many times in the middle of escape, looking for sea shells, fossils and a place to rest and numb out rather than continue moving in obedience toward God and His plan for your life. Once I reached the other side, I longed to go back to captivity, remembering all the good times of living in sin, when in reality they were soul crushing in heavy. I chose to stop and not move once I reached the other side of the Sea, even though Jesus Christ destroyed my enemies and sin, washed them all away, and claimed victory over my former ways. It was in this time of disobedience when I fell into my darkest and most secret of secret worlds. The one that brought crippling death and sorrow into my life and marriage.
I chose to go back to death. I chose depression and the heaviness that brought. Only Jesus saved me again! Now I live free in obedience to Christ, and living out who I’m supposed to be! Living a life and marriage restored in Christ!
So I'm going to ask again. Where are you in your path? What are you holding onto that's keeping you in captivity or living in a fantasy of living the dream of the past? Why are you holding back from God and his plan of a more and better life?
I love you,
Ken
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
Update
I know I haven't shared in a while, but that doesn't mean God isn't working out a perfect plan and path for my next few series of posts. He is definitely marinating things on my heart that are worth sharing, but they aren't quite ready. I am still praying for and love all of you who read this.
Maybe this timing is just as much for you as it is for me, so you can have the chance to read past posts and really start applying them to your life. Ask God today how Jesus can set you free and show you where you need the Dunamis power of the Holy Spirit to work in your life and heal past wounds.
Take these next 40 days post Easter, to really focus on what matters most in your life. It wasn't the 40 days building up to Easter or Passover that changed the history of man forever, it was the resurrection that changed history and the next 40 days that changed humanity.
I Love You,
Ken
Maybe this timing is just as much for you as it is for me, so you can have the chance to read past posts and really start applying them to your life. Ask God today how Jesus can set you free and show you where you need the Dunamis power of the Holy Spirit to work in your life and heal past wounds.
Take these next 40 days post Easter, to really focus on what matters most in your life. It wasn't the 40 days building up to Easter or Passover that changed the history of man forever, it was the resurrection that changed history and the next 40 days that changed humanity.
I Love You,
Ken
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